Not my proudest moment...

So it has been a few days. I have been struggling so much I didn't even want to get on here and share. Tuesday and Wednesday I was so fired up. I had lost lots of weight and felt so good about it. I had went to a very inspiring woman's conference. Things were sunny and bright. When you feel your highest and think you are in control of everything that is usually when Satan attacks and he attacks hard. Everything in my mind started to fall apart. The strength and the resolve began to crumble. That paired with some life circumstances that made me angry helped me to give up and cheat. I ate bad food. I felt horrible the whole time I was doing it. I was devastated because everyone who had been on my side and have been such an encouragement  were going to be so disappointed in me. On top of that the food made me physically sick. My stomach cramped and my whole body felt sick. A very strong reminder that this food was making me sick. Why would I want to turn to something that is going to kill me? Why couldn't I be strong enough to say no and be 100% on it and never slip up. Am I going to be able to make it? All these questions are running through my head as fast as they can. I feel terrible.

I wrote that first paragraph a week ago. I would like to say things have been great since then but that would be a lie. I have really been struggling to get my mind wrapped around success. I can't even begin to tell you how bad my body has physically hurt over this last week. The headaches are back and so is the neck and back pain. My sleep has been terrible.  Maybe this struggle was just the eye opener I needed. How quickly I forgot how much better I was feeling. So back on the horse I go. This is a lifelong journey for me and it is just as much about surrendering my all to God as it is about losing weight. I have never been able to not emotionally eat. I have to learn to fill that hole I have with God instead of searching for fulfillment in food. I am not proud of the fact that this is my struggle. I have felt so weak and caught myself spiraling out of control. I was regretting ever sharing any of this journey with anyone because now I felt that failure to. I was wishing I had waited until I knew I could do this really well before I said something about it. I continue to read the book Made To Crave and God has shown me the things I really need to work on to make my life better so that I can serve Him better.

I feel like God is showing me so much more than just how to lose weight and get healthy. I can't wait to see what God is going to do. I know there will be bumps in the road, but with the bumps come growth. If things went perfect in this life how would we learn to depend on Him? That is what I have learned this week. I can do this but not on my own. I have to cling to God and learn to crave him instead of the things of this world. God Bless and thank you all for the continued prayers!