So it has been a few days. I have been struggling so much I didn't even want to get on here and share. Tuesday and Wednesday I was so fired up. I had lost lots of weight and felt so good about it. I had went to a very inspiring woman's conference. Things were sunny and bright. When you feel your highest and think you are in control of everything that is usually when Satan attacks and he attacks hard. Everything in my mind started to fall apart. The strength and the resolve began to crumble. That paired with some life circumstances that made me angry helped me to give up and cheat. I ate bad food. I felt horrible the whole time I was doing it. I was devastated because everyone who had been on my side and have been such an encouragement were going to be so disappointed in me. On top of that the food made me physically sick. My stomach cramped and my whole body felt sick. A very strong reminder that this food was making me sick. Why would I want to turn to something that is going to kill me? Why couldn't I be strong enough to say no and be 100% on it and never slip up. Am I going to be able to make it? All these questions are running through my head as fast as they can. I feel terrible.
I wrote that first paragraph a week ago. I would like to say things have been great since then but that would be a lie. I have really been struggling to get my mind wrapped around success. I can't even begin to tell you how bad my body has physically hurt over this last week. The headaches are back and so is the neck and back pain. My sleep has been terrible. Maybe this struggle was just the eye opener I needed. How quickly I forgot how much better I was feeling. So back on the horse I go. This is a lifelong journey for me and it is just as much about surrendering my all to God as it is about losing weight. I have never been able to not emotionally eat. I have to learn to fill that hole I have with God instead of searching for fulfillment in food. I am not proud of the fact that this is my struggle. I have felt so weak and caught myself spiraling out of control. I was regretting ever sharing any of this journey with anyone because now I felt that failure to. I was wishing I had waited until I knew I could do this really well before I said something about it. I continue to read the book Made To Crave and God has shown me the things I really need to work on to make my life better so that I can serve Him better.
I feel like God is showing me so much more than just how to lose weight and get healthy. I can't wait to see what God is going to do. I know there will be bumps in the road, but with the bumps come growth. If things went perfect in this life how would we learn to depend on Him? That is what I have learned this week. I can do this but not on my own. I have to cling to God and learn to crave him instead of the things of this world. God Bless and thank you all for the continued prayers!
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
A Great Day!
So it is Tuesday and I have been on this journey for one week. WHEW! So many ups and downs. I can't begin to tell you how many good things have come about in just a week. I have been so honored and touched by the calls, texts, emails, and messages of encouragement. people who I am "FB Friends" with who have stepped up and been such a blessing. Little glimpses of heaven along the way. I absolutely do not regret choosing to share with everyone. The thing I have heard the most this week is that people are just like me. They have hurt, discouragement, and feel helpless too. It is to painful to let the world see to wounds. People will talk and some will rub salt in the wounds to try to make it worse. When I wrote the first bog post a week ago, I braced myself for more gossip and salt than anything else. While I am sure it is out there, I haven't felt it or seen it. It has been an overwhelming good response. It has resonated with people and they want to be real to. They want to share, warts and all and most of all, they want to overcome their trials. So many have asked me for help and what I am doing. To be honest, I don't have much of a plan. My plan is to detox my body so that give myself the best chance to overcome the physical problems I have. After the 30 days of juice, I am going to eat a diet high in fruits, veggies, meats, and some dairy. I will never again have sugar and processed foods be part of my life. I am sure there will be times when it will be a treat but not part of my daily life. I am going to exercise and most of all, I am going to LIVE! I am going to stop caring what someone else may think. I'm not going to worry about being that fat girl trying to ride a bike and what people will say. I am going to be that mom who fat or not, is going to get on that bike and ride with her kids. I have gone far to long being that mom on the couch. that mom who has to say no to her child because my body is to tired and weak to do what they are asking of me. That mom is going away and in her place will be a mom who is going to worry less about the sweat and the I can't and charge forward with a I CAN attitude.
I had the great fortune of going to a women's conference tonight where I had the awesome chance to hear Abby Rike speak. Most of you watch The Biggest Loser. Abby is my favorite contestant ever. Not just because of her story but because of the way she carried herself and the transparent way she allowed herself to be seen on the show. Even though it wasn't talked about much, you could see that God was working in her life. I can't imagine losing my whole family. I pray I never know that pain. As a wife and a mom the bond was instant when she came on the show. She is such a testimony of choosing hope and joy in the midst of pain. Her testimony that she shared tonight was such a blessing to me. God knew the exact time I needed to hear what she had to share. I will blog more tomorrow about what God shared with me through her. It was truly a blessing to me that I will carry into the days to come. just the inspiration I needed to push into the second week.
Last, today was the one week mark. Time to weigh in and see what kind of weight I had lost this week. I stepped on the scale and it told me I have lost 13 POUNDS!!! In a week! While trying not to define myself by a number on the scale, I feel so happy that I have 13 less lbs weighing my body down. Every pound I lose brings me that much closer to being healthy and that is what I desire. So I was extremely happy to see that my hard work this week had paid off. I know it won't be big numbers every week and I am okay with that. As long as I keep moving forward and pressing on towards my goal. There but for the grace of God go I!
Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.- 2 Corinthians 12:9
I had the great fortune of going to a women's conference tonight where I had the awesome chance to hear Abby Rike speak. Most of you watch The Biggest Loser. Abby is my favorite contestant ever. Not just because of her story but because of the way she carried herself and the transparent way she allowed herself to be seen on the show. Even though it wasn't talked about much, you could see that God was working in her life. I can't imagine losing my whole family. I pray I never know that pain. As a wife and a mom the bond was instant when she came on the show. She is such a testimony of choosing hope and joy in the midst of pain. Her testimony that she shared tonight was such a blessing to me. God knew the exact time I needed to hear what she had to share. I will blog more tomorrow about what God shared with me through her. It was truly a blessing to me that I will carry into the days to come. just the inspiration I needed to push into the second week.
Last, today was the one week mark. Time to weigh in and see what kind of weight I had lost this week. I stepped on the scale and it told me I have lost 13 POUNDS!!! In a week! While trying not to define myself by a number on the scale, I feel so happy that I have 13 less lbs weighing my body down. Every pound I lose brings me that much closer to being healthy and that is what I desire. So I was extremely happy to see that my hard work this week had paid off. I know it won't be big numbers every week and I am okay with that. As long as I keep moving forward and pressing on towards my goal. There but for the grace of God go I!
Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.- 2 Corinthians 12:9
Crazy Day Seven!!!
What a crazy two days! I have had more ups and downs than a roller coaster. I have never known such highs and lows so quickly! By Monday afternoon I had convinced myself in my head that I never wanted to see another veggie drink again. It was more than I could take and I didn't like it anymore! My blood sugar was rock bottom and I could not be reasoned with. I wanted to eat something that was not a fruit or veggie and NOTHING else was going to make me happy. My husband said, okay I will get you whatever you want. I lashed out and said, NO that is not what you are supposed to say! So he offered to make me a smoothie and I gagged. He looked at me like I had horns growing out of my head and was like, tell me what I need to say because I don't know! I didn't know either! Part of making this commitment not only to myself but to others was the accountability I I had by sharing the good the bad and the ugly. I have had so many be so kind and so encouraging that it wasn't just about letting me down. I would let down so many. In my heart I knew I needed to be strong but my mind was week. I did eat something that was not a fruit or veggie. I will say though that I kept it healthy and didn't step out of bounds to badly. I had vegetable sushi rolls. I ate some rice along with my veggies. No soy sauce but some wasabi.
Thank God I didn't get sick from eating it and I felt okay afterwards. I couldn't even blog because I felt like a failure. I had given in and wasn't tough enough to fight the temptation. God needed to call someone else to make this stand and share their growth on this journey. I wasn't the gal He needed. I was unable to look at the forest for all the trees. As I lay in bed trying to sleep, God began to talk to my soul. He told me that I was worthy, rice and all. We all stumble and if we were perfect, we wouldn't need to lean on Him. God doesn't want perfect. He wants the helplessly flawed. In those flaws and imperfections He can begin a new work and He will be FAITHFUL to complete it. It all projects you have setbacks. The great thing is God has already promised me that He will complete this work in me. I may stumble and my imperfection will show through. God will use that to make the next steps that much stronger. I know this is true! With every breath I take. I look back at my life and I know that it was all divinely orchestrated, each step and stumble, and each triumph and tragedy. If He has cared so much for so long, He isn't going to give up today. I am still going to be worth the trouble! Thanking God for a new day and a new determination!
Thank God I didn't get sick from eating it and I felt okay afterwards. I couldn't even blog because I felt like a failure. I had given in and wasn't tough enough to fight the temptation. God needed to call someone else to make this stand and share their growth on this journey. I wasn't the gal He needed. I was unable to look at the forest for all the trees. As I lay in bed trying to sleep, God began to talk to my soul. He told me that I was worthy, rice and all. We all stumble and if we were perfect, we wouldn't need to lean on Him. God doesn't want perfect. He wants the helplessly flawed. In those flaws and imperfections He can begin a new work and He will be FAITHFUL to complete it. It all projects you have setbacks. The great thing is God has already promised me that He will complete this work in me. I may stumble and my imperfection will show through. God will use that to make the next steps that much stronger. I know this is true! With every breath I take. I look back at my life and I know that it was all divinely orchestrated, each step and stumble, and each triumph and tragedy. If He has cared so much for so long, He isn't going to give up today. I am still going to be worth the trouble! Thanking God for a new day and a new determination!
Monday, May 21, 2012
Day Six
Today was a little rough. I woke up with a splitting headache. A storm front was moving in and there I was with the same old migraine. All the wind in my sails that I have had the past few days, left in a second. I was grumpy, tired, and REALLY wanted a cheeseburger! Not only a cheeseburger, but a giant milkshake and chips and dip. Even though my pain seems less, I am still feeling tired. I wanted this morning to be the morning I woke up and felt boundless energy. I wanted to put an 8 hour day into cleaning my house and doing all those organization projects I have. Instead, I woke up feeling more like the same old thing. I just wanted to bury my head under my covers and cry. What had I gotten myself into? Was this really going to make things better? In that moment I felt God speak to my heart. He said, Daughter, you want this change and you are doing the right thing. With every wound, there is a time before it heals. If you do to much, to quickly, the wound rips open again. Then you have to go through the whole healing process again. If I allow to much to quickly, you can't properly heal. So true, right? I have to heal and grow slowly for this to be a success. When you have surgery, the incision on the outside can be healed but on the inside there is still pain. It takes a long time for all the nerves and muscle to go back to what it once was. If you aren't careful you can make what is already healed damaged again. I have a lot of things that need to heal, spiritually, emotionally, and physically.It will take time. I can't let a little setback ruin the whole plan. If I let that happen I would be saying to God that the promise in His word to make all things new is not true.
One of my favorite songs is by The Crabb Family. It is called Take You Through The Fire. The chorus says, 'He never promised that the cross would not get heavy, that the hill would not be hard to climb. He never offered, a victory without fighting, but He said help would always come in time. Just remember when your standing in the valley of decision and the adversary says give in,. Just hold on, our Lord will show up, and He will take you through the fire again.
I have to keep remembering that my life is worth fighting for and God thinks so to. He isn't going to leave me stranded in the middle of this battle but sometimes you have to work through the hard parts and be refined in the fire to be victorious.
'I will bring that group through the fire and make them pure. I will refine them like silver and purify them like gold. They will call on my name, and I will answer them. I will say, 'These are my people,' and they will say, 'The LORD is our God.' Zechariah 13:9
One of my favorite songs is by The Crabb Family. It is called Take You Through The Fire. The chorus says, 'He never promised that the cross would not get heavy, that the hill would not be hard to climb. He never offered, a victory without fighting, but He said help would always come in time. Just remember when your standing in the valley of decision and the adversary says give in,. Just hold on, our Lord will show up, and He will take you through the fire again.
I have to keep remembering that my life is worth fighting for and God thinks so to. He isn't going to leave me stranded in the middle of this battle but sometimes you have to work through the hard parts and be refined in the fire to be victorious.
'I will bring that group through the fire and make them pure. I will refine them like silver and purify them like gold. They will call on my name, and I will answer them. I will say, 'These are my people,' and they will say, 'The LORD is our God.' Zechariah 13:9
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Day Four and Five
Whew! What a busy couple of days! Can I just say I am so ready for summer? One more day of school for Sam and we are free for 2 months. Very much looking forward to that. My internet was out(thanks Comcast) so I wasn't able to post until tonight. So I will do two days in one post.
Day Four- It was a very good day! I woke up and for the first time in over 4 years I had very little pain. I couldn't believe it and was convinced it was in my head. I felt like I had a little more energy and the fatigue wasn't quite as bad. I still felt tired but part of that was lack of sleep the night before. I did well on the juice. I am not feeling as hungry between meals. Still trying to figure out a schedule that worked the best for me. I think I am going to long between drinking juice. I am going to try an every 2 hour schedule tomorrow. Carson graduated from preschool and the greatest triumph of the day came after that. The kids and I went with my sister to Los Garcia. This is my favorite food! I could eat chips, cheese, rice, tacos, burritos, and more cheese until I was sick. I was so nervous at how I was going to react to this. I brought my two juice bottles in with me and braced myself. Guess what? I did it! I didn't even lick the salt off of one chip! lol I drank my juice while everyone else ate. It isn't that I have a problem with eating that kind of food. I hope to enjoy in moderation in the future. I was just so happy that I had overcome my first big hurdle. It was a big moment for me.
Day Five- God is so good! From the beginning this journey has been about so many things. Health, weight loss, but mostly about growing closer to God. Allowing Him to free me from the things that have held me in bondage for so long. He has done so much in my life and it has only been five days! I have learned so much and continue to put my focus on Him instead of food and see how he is healing me from the inside. And there has been healing! Physically I am feeling so much better, already. First of all, I woke up this morning and I had slept for almost 6 hours straight! I can't even remember when the last time this happened. I expected to feel immediate pain from sleeping in one position for so long. There was no pain! I sat up and climbed out of bed and felt almost no pain. The burning pain I feel in my joints has almost completely gone away. For those of you who suffer from chronic pain you know what that pain is. It hurts to even touch your skin. It is going away! My knees and wrists feel so much better already. I can't believe that in only five days I am seeing such improvement. I am motivated to keep going because it has been so long since I felt like I was somewhat normal or human! I know that I will have bad days but it has been great to go about my day with a lot less pain. I am so ready for tomorrow.
I have started reading a book called Made To Crave by Lisa Terkeurst. I already know this book is going to be life changing. She talks about the fact that we all Crave. We have a choice to crave God instead of the things of this world. If our focus is on food, money, appearance, drugs, or other things that take our focus off of HIM then we are unable to fill that need in our souls with God. It is a great book and I highly recommend.
Again, I can't tell you how much the encouragement has meant to me. I think of your kind words throughout my day and it helps me to keep going. I am humbled that God is using my story to help others. Many have contacted me to say that want to start living too. While I am very much human and do not have this conquered in any way, I pray God continues to allow me to grow and encourage others. One thing I do know it that I never thought I would be able to do this for even 5 days. If I can do it for 5 days then I know you can to! Lets all get healthy, together! I am praying for all who have written me and I ask that you all please continue to pray for me. I love you all!
I hope to start posting some pictures tomorrow. I am still trying to figure the whole blog thing out! I want to post a before picture and maybe some juice pictures!
Day Four- It was a very good day! I woke up and for the first time in over 4 years I had very little pain. I couldn't believe it and was convinced it was in my head. I felt like I had a little more energy and the fatigue wasn't quite as bad. I still felt tired but part of that was lack of sleep the night before. I did well on the juice. I am not feeling as hungry between meals. Still trying to figure out a schedule that worked the best for me. I think I am going to long between drinking juice. I am going to try an every 2 hour schedule tomorrow. Carson graduated from preschool and the greatest triumph of the day came after that. The kids and I went with my sister to Los Garcia. This is my favorite food! I could eat chips, cheese, rice, tacos, burritos, and more cheese until I was sick. I was so nervous at how I was going to react to this. I brought my two juice bottles in with me and braced myself. Guess what? I did it! I didn't even lick the salt off of one chip! lol I drank my juice while everyone else ate. It isn't that I have a problem with eating that kind of food. I hope to enjoy in moderation in the future. I was just so happy that I had overcome my first big hurdle. It was a big moment for me.
Day Five- God is so good! From the beginning this journey has been about so many things. Health, weight loss, but mostly about growing closer to God. Allowing Him to free me from the things that have held me in bondage for so long. He has done so much in my life and it has only been five days! I have learned so much and continue to put my focus on Him instead of food and see how he is healing me from the inside. And there has been healing! Physically I am feeling so much better, already. First of all, I woke up this morning and I had slept for almost 6 hours straight! I can't even remember when the last time this happened. I expected to feel immediate pain from sleeping in one position for so long. There was no pain! I sat up and climbed out of bed and felt almost no pain. The burning pain I feel in my joints has almost completely gone away. For those of you who suffer from chronic pain you know what that pain is. It hurts to even touch your skin. It is going away! My knees and wrists feel so much better already. I can't believe that in only five days I am seeing such improvement. I am motivated to keep going because it has been so long since I felt like I was somewhat normal or human! I know that I will have bad days but it has been great to go about my day with a lot less pain. I am so ready for tomorrow.
I have started reading a book called Made To Crave by Lisa Terkeurst. I already know this book is going to be life changing. She talks about the fact that we all Crave. We have a choice to crave God instead of the things of this world. If our focus is on food, money, appearance, drugs, or other things that take our focus off of HIM then we are unable to fill that need in our souls with God. It is a great book and I highly recommend.
Again, I can't tell you how much the encouragement has meant to me. I think of your kind words throughout my day and it helps me to keep going. I am humbled that God is using my story to help others. Many have contacted me to say that want to start living too. While I am very much human and do not have this conquered in any way, I pray God continues to allow me to grow and encourage others. One thing I do know it that I never thought I would be able to do this for even 5 days. If I can do it for 5 days then I know you can to! Lets all get healthy, together! I am praying for all who have written me and I ask that you all please continue to pray for me. I love you all!
I hope to start posting some pictures tomorrow. I am still trying to figure the whole blog thing out! I want to post a before picture and maybe some juice pictures!
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Day Three
Today was so much better! Still very tired but NO headache and didn't feel hungry in between my smoothies. From what I have read online, the big energy boost comes after the first week. Looking forward to that day!
The best part about the whole day was a conversation I had with my daughter. After listening and watching me for 3 days, her mind is already changing to healthier thoughts. She asked me tonight if we could exercise together and if I would make her a super energy smoothie for breakfast every day. God continues to show me daily that the choices I am making now will change so much for me and my family. I pray i can be the model of health for my children to want to be like. Already major steps in that direction and for that I am so grateful.
I am very tired tonight so I am going to turn in early. I will say that even though I told myself I wasn't going to weigh in more than once a week, I caved and weighed in tonight. I am not going to say the amount until it's been a week but I will tell you that God has done an amazing thing! It gave me a whole new determination to continue what I am doing.
Thank you again to all who are encouraging me every step of the way. You are making such a difference for me! I have been amazed at the support and kinds words from you all. God is so good! Love and prayers to you all!
The best part about the whole day was a conversation I had with my daughter. After listening and watching me for 3 days, her mind is already changing to healthier thoughts. She asked me tonight if we could exercise together and if I would make her a super energy smoothie for breakfast every day. God continues to show me daily that the choices I am making now will change so much for me and my family. I pray i can be the model of health for my children to want to be like. Already major steps in that direction and for that I am so grateful.
I am very tired tonight so I am going to turn in early. I will say that even though I told myself I wasn't going to weigh in more than once a week, I caved and weighed in tonight. I am not going to say the amount until it's been a week but I will tell you that God has done an amazing thing! It gave me a whole new determination to continue what I am doing.
Thank you again to all who are encouraging me every step of the way. You are making such a difference for me! I have been amazed at the support and kinds words from you all. God is so good! Love and prayers to you all!
Day Two
Today was hard. No easy way around it. I knew the first week would be difficult and it came at me like a lion. I had activities at both of the kid's schools so I had to be out and moving around. I drank a big breakfast and took lots of water with me. By 11:00a.m. I was crashing. I don't know if it was my blood sugar or just lack of food for 2 days, but I was ill. I was in the cafeteria with my daughter and I felt like I was going to pass out. Shawn was at school with Carson so I didn't know what to do. I knew I needed something and I needed it fast. So I grabbed the apple from my daughter's sack lunch and chowed down. I had planned on only doing juice for 30 days. I was so upset with myself but then I said, you know what, I didn't grab the bag of cheetos. I ate an apple for heavens sake and that is okay!
The worst part of today has been the headaches and muscle cramps. I read online that the muscle pain is all the toxic junk that is living in my body being attacked by the good stuff I am putting in. Part of the detox. My legs hurt like I have never felt before. but I keep telling myself that it is temporary and in a few days it is going to be so different. I am struggling because I want to run to the medicine cabinet and take ibuprofen and tylenol to help with the pain. Doing that does me no good and I need to keep focused on future. Keeping my eye on the prize. The Bible tells us in Hebrews 12:1-2 to lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith. Easier said than done, right? I started this for my health but God is using this for so much more. The health of my soul is being made stronger. God is showing me that I am His and His purpose for me is far greater than the life I have given to Him. Maybe, just maybe, this very struggle and this very journey is my purpose. Maybe He allowed the trials and pain to be in my life so that I can come out victorious on the other end. And maybe, share it with you.
I have heard from so many friends today since I posted the first blog post. Everyone has been so encouraging. I know I am right in deciding to share this with all of you. We all have our struggles and most of the time we just want to know that there is someone else who has struggled with the same thing. We want to know we aren't the only one plastering on that smile and going into our day acting like nothing is hurting us. I think about what a great gift it would have been for me to read about another mom who was dealing with some of the same issues. In the end we all just want to relate to each other and be accepted for who we are. That happens far to little in today's society. Thankfully, we can come just as we are to the feet of Jesus and he will love on us and tell us we have VALUE. We are a child designed in God's image and that alone makes us pretty special. God goes one step further and gives us all different gifts and abilities to use for His glory. Wow, I feel special just typing that! Man doesn't determine our value. God thinks we are more precious than all the jewels in the world. With that thought I know I can fix my eyes on Him and run this race. Maybe along the way I can show someone that they are valuable, to.
God Bless you all for your kind words today. It made a tough day so much more bearable because I knew I had people praying for me. On to day three! I can't wait to see what the Lord is going to do!
The worst part of today has been the headaches and muscle cramps. I read online that the muscle pain is all the toxic junk that is living in my body being attacked by the good stuff I am putting in. Part of the detox. My legs hurt like I have never felt before. but I keep telling myself that it is temporary and in a few days it is going to be so different. I am struggling because I want to run to the medicine cabinet and take ibuprofen and tylenol to help with the pain. Doing that does me no good and I need to keep focused on future. Keeping my eye on the prize. The Bible tells us in Hebrews 12:1-2 to lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith. Easier said than done, right? I started this for my health but God is using this for so much more. The health of my soul is being made stronger. God is showing me that I am His and His purpose for me is far greater than the life I have given to Him. Maybe, just maybe, this very struggle and this very journey is my purpose. Maybe He allowed the trials and pain to be in my life so that I can come out victorious on the other end. And maybe, share it with you.
I have heard from so many friends today since I posted the first blog post. Everyone has been so encouraging. I know I am right in deciding to share this with all of you. We all have our struggles and most of the time we just want to know that there is someone else who has struggled with the same thing. We want to know we aren't the only one plastering on that smile and going into our day acting like nothing is hurting us. I think about what a great gift it would have been for me to read about another mom who was dealing with some of the same issues. In the end we all just want to relate to each other and be accepted for who we are. That happens far to little in today's society. Thankfully, we can come just as we are to the feet of Jesus and he will love on us and tell us we have VALUE. We are a child designed in God's image and that alone makes us pretty special. God goes one step further and gives us all different gifts and abilities to use for His glory. Wow, I feel special just typing that! Man doesn't determine our value. God thinks we are more precious than all the jewels in the world. With that thought I know I can fix my eyes on Him and run this race. Maybe along the way I can show someone that they are valuable, to.
God Bless you all for your kind words today. It made a tough day so much more bearable because I knew I had people praying for me. On to day three! I can't wait to see what the Lord is going to do!
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